I want to talk about commitment today. Or rather commitment issues. To ourselves.
And I’m struggling to figure out what tense to use because these issues have varied through time and space.
I have commitment issues. I use the word “issues” there because I am able to commit and, also, I am not.
When it comes to others, I’m all in. What do you need from me? I’m there. (For the most part; social anxiety notwithstanding.)
But when it comes to my commitment to myself, I can be such a flake. (Or rather, “used to be.” See what I mean about the tenses? Humans are complex.)
If it’s on my calendar, I am fully RSVP’d. Unless that appointment is with me. At which point I’ll ask myself “Do we really want to do this?” And I will respond “Nah, you can reschedule if you want.” And I respond back “Yeah, no one will know. I gotta do me, ya know?” And I affirm “Yeah, no harm, no foul.”
Except that’s not true: I get harmed and fouled.
Because 1. I’m not doing what I thought was important to me at some point, 2. Flaking out on myself sets the expectation that I’m not reliable and therefore cannot be trusted to show up later, 3. “How will anyone be there for me when I can’t even be there for myself?”
(That last one’s a doozy.)
See, the only way to learn how to trust myself, my intuition, and my aspirations is to earn my trust back. And that takes some work.
Just like how you don’t just get to show up and say “I respect women” while you continue to shout over them and disregard their humanity, you can’t just say “I love myself” and continue to treat yourself like poop and put yourself in undesirable situations you wouldn’t put a loved one into.
Staying at a toxic job with no plan to leave. Putting yourself in unpleasant financial situations. Eating foods that make you sick. Accommodating mean people and absorbing their shitty energy. I could go on…
We are forever attached to ourselves like siamese twins and we cannot be surgically separated. However, unlike other humans (with their own free will, rights, and liberties), we have total control to manipulate ourselves however we want to.
Of all the relationships we need to work on, the greatest priority is our relationship with ourselves, not with others. (Those come later.)
So, how do we stop doing these undesirable things to ourselves?
We just do. We just decide enough is enough and we say “I’m going to do things differently now.” And then we do what we said we are going to do differently.
And it’s hard. It takes practice. You will resist it. But it’s totally simple and it’s kind of the only option anyway.
Here’s my last point on commitment: We can uncommit at any time. Nothing in life is set in stone. And even then, stone is only like 0.00001% matter so it’s totally cool even if it is.
These are issues that have popped up for me when it came to saving money or later spending it, launching a new program, initiating a new relationship.
With every new thing or every pivot comes a new commitment.
I’m committing to stretching myself and showing up as my best self every day because I can. And I need to earn my trust back.
I can stop writing and sending these messages if I want to. I can always choose to exit. It doesn’t mean I have to though.
So, for now, I am committing to being my best self for me because I need her the most.
And I encourage you to join me today to commit to being the best YOU that you designed yesterday.
You with me? (Or rather, you with you?)